Tag: Leadership

In an era dominated by smartphones, the Internet, and text messaging, we’ve been robbed of many little things that once brought us joy—from alphabetized CD cases to the thrill of getting lost while driving to the simple pleasure of boredom. But there’s one thing that stands out to us at The Optimism Company: those little check-in phone calls with close friends. 

Now, we know what you’re thinking: “I WhatsApp with my BFF all the time!” Well, science will tell you that it’s simply not the same. In fact, a study conducted in 2021, extensively reported in The New York Times, examined the effects of brief, regular phone calls on 240 adults. And let us tell you, the results were striking.

Those fortunate enough to receive calls a few times a week experienced a significant reduction in levels of depression, loneliness, and anxiety. This revelation caught the attention of Dr. Bob Waldinger, a distinguished professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and the author of the book, The Good Life: Lessons From the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness. Dr. Waldinger emphasizes the importance of investing time in our most cherished relationships. He argues that these investments can yield tangible effects on our overall well-being, offering a hidden “gold mine of vitality” that often goes unnoticed. 

And this is where the “eight-minute catch-up” comes into play.

The concept of the “eight-minute catch-up” has emerged as a practical application of this research, championed by individuals like our founder and Chief Optimist, Simon Sinek. They advocate for dedicating short, focused periods of connection with friends or loved ones. This approach not only cultivates a sense of closeness and well-being but also addresses the common issue of conversations dragging on past their welcome or abruptly ending—a problem identified in another  study conducted in 2021.

By mutually agreeing to an eight-minute time limit beforehand, both parties can engage in a meaningful exchange without overstaying their welcome. This ensures that the time spent together is both beneficial and respected.

In a recent episode of “A Bit of Optimism,” Simon went deep on this topic with his long-time friend, celebrated chef and author Christina Tosi. They explored the significance of asking for help and being there for friends in need. Their conversation shed light on a simple yet powerful lesson: the act of reaching out for support is not only normal but also an essential part of our shared human experience.

According to Simon, he had a moment of realization when he encountered a friend and asked how they were. To his surprise, the friend revealed that they had been struggling with depression. Simon’s immediate response was, “WTF? Why didn’t you call me?” It sparked an eye-opening realization about the subtle ways in which people ask for help. 

“There is no greater honor than to send them a text message that says, ‘Do you have eight minutes?'” said Christina. 

This phrase has become a code between Simon and Christina, symbolizing a safe space where one can openly express vulnerability and seek comfort.

At the end of the day, eight minutes of a friend’s time can make all the difference in the world. Best of all, it’s only eight minutes. “Eight minutes! When somebody texts you ‘Do you have eight minutes?’ Any of us can pause a movie, step out of a meeting, or leave a room to talk to a friend in need for eight minutes,” says Simon. 

If you’d like to hear Simon and Christina’s full conversation, you can give it a listen here.

“I’m such an idiot.” “I’m terrible at my job.” “No one likes me.” Sound familiar? We all have that pesky inner critic that loves to rain on our parade every now and then. While leading psychologists will tell you that you’ll never be able to kick your inner critic to the curb for good, you can certainly take steps to manage it.

It all starts with a little bit of self-compassion. One study published in the journal Behavior Therapy found having self-compassion can counteract the negatives that often come hand-in-hand with self-criticism—everything from stress and anxiety to depression. Another study found it can also increase your future happiness, even in times of adversity. But where do you begin on your journey of self-compassion?

Simon Sinek, our founder and Chief Optimist, says the best place to start is confronting your inner critic head-on. “We can’t stop it. But we can manage it,” he says. And the best way to do that is to simply give it a name, which allows you to grow distance between yourself and your inner critic. “Call it Bob. Call it Stacey. I know someone who calls it the ‘Shitty Committee,’ he says. “That way, when your inner critic chimes in, you can be like, ‘Oh, the Shitty Committee’ is here again,’ and it helps you manage it a lot better.”

Naming your inner critic might feel silly, but the method is backed by mental health professionals for a reason—it instantly robs your inner critic of its power. A study published in the journal Frontiers in Psychology found when you become aware of your inner critic and how harshly you treat yourself, you’ll become more supportive and friendly toward yourself—something that, as the authors say, makes you feel more at peace and “better able to cope with everyday pressures and challenges.”

While labeling the voice in your head that criticizes you 24/7 is one way to be kinder to yourself, it’s only the beginning. If you make it your mission to show yourself some compassion—not just today, but every day—you’ll be well on your way to a brighter, more fulfilling future. With that in mind, we’ve included three more ways to do just that below. So read on, and if you’re interested in some of the ways you can inject some compassion into your workplace, you’ll find a wealth of courses that will help you build a culture of kindness in our Optimism Library. 

3 More Ways to Be Kind to Yourself

1. Forgive Yourself for Your Mistakes

Sure, making a mistake sucks. Unfortunately, we’re only human, and therefore mistakes are 100% going to happen. It’s how you choose to deal with these mistakes is what really matters—starting with always choosing to forgive yourself.

Past research has found higher levels of self-forgiveness lead to higher levels of well-being. The next time you make a mistake—whether it’s in your career or personal life—view the mistake not as a negative but as an opportunity for growth. This isn’t always easy, but getting caught up on a mistake is only going to hold you back. Not only from finding happiness, but also from reaching your full potential and achieving your goals.

2. Celebrate Small Wins

When we think of celebrating our wins, it’s typically the big stuff—think a new job or a relationship milestone. But those aren’t things that happen every day. Another simple way to be kinder to yourself is to celebrate all your achievements—even the small stuff you wouldn’t typically write home about, whether that’s checking a task off your to-do list or cooking a meal at home instead of ordering takeout.

3. Check In On Yourself

We check in on friends and family to see how they’re doing, but when’s the last time you checked in on yourself? Taking a second to step away from what you’re doing and ask yourself how you’re feeling—both physically and mentally—is an easy way to foster self-kindness. 

Oftentimes, we push how we’re feeling aside. According to a review published in Clinical Psychology Review, doing these regular check-ins—along with other mindfulness activities—can offer numerous benefits, including improvements in mood and a better sense of well-being. Instead of ignoring how you’re feeling, you’re able to address it, understand it, and take action that will leave you feeling more balanced and fulfilled.

The Bottom Line

Being kind to yourself—whether that’s confronting your inner critic, forgiving yourself for mistakes, celebrating small wins, or checking in on yourself regularly—is crucial. When we treat ourselves with the same kindness and compassion we extend to others, we pave the way for a brighter, more fulfilling future—one grounded in self-love, acceptance, and happiness.

Imagine it as the secret sauce that really makes leaders shine. Some folks call it the “X factor,” while others think of it as a special gift only a lucky few possess. But when it comes to being an outstanding leader, there’s one undeniable ingredient that sets them apart: a killer leadership presence. Whether you’re running a small team, dreaming of a political career, heading up a massive corporation, teaching, or even channeling your inner Oprah, this quality acts like a magnet, drawing people’s attention in.

In their book Leadership Presence, authors Belle Linda Halpern and Kathy Lubar define it as “the ability to authentically connect with the thoughts and feelings of others in order to motivate and inspire them to achieve a desired outcome.” If that sounds like a jumble of words to you, Simon offers a simpler definition: It is a unique combination of grativas, basic savvy, and the ability to make others feel both safe and inspired. 

Furthermore, it is not something you are born with; it is something you learn.

Like many of the skills we teach here at The Optimism Company, there are few institutional curriculums available to learn the art of leadership presence. In fact, most leaders with great leadership presence learned it by observing other great leaders before them. If you are interested in an accelerated course on learning leadership presence, we asked Simon Sinek, our founder and Chief Optimist, for his five-tip cheat sheet.

His first piece of advice? Don’t fake it before you make it. “There is an irony that comes with leadership presence, which is that you should never pretend to be something you are not,” he says. “There are people who put on a facade and shout orders to appear as leaders, when in reality, they are not leaders. However, you do need to present yourself differently to build leadership presence. When you are more junior, you can be silly. As you advance in seniority, you must remember that a whisper becomes a shout.”

With that in mind, what follow are Simon’s top tips for building your own leadership presence. Read on, and if you’re interested in more great advice you can use to level up your confidence at work, be sure to check out Simon’s #1 bestselling course, The Art of Presenting, today. 

1. You Need Constant Situational Awareness

Never underestimate the power of being really, really good at reading the room at work. “It’s like being a parent,” says Simon. “Roughhousing with your kids is fun, but a good parent knows when to stop, and when it’s going too far. Good leaders have to have constant situational awareness.”

Simon notes that he’s seen leaders suffer when they lose this focus. “I’ve seen leaders lose their leadership presence because they failed to read the room,” he says. “They allow people to say things that shouldn’t be said. You’re managing the room. I watch the room constantly. If someone is struggling to get a word in, I’ll step in and be like, ‘Hold on one second. Emily, you’re trying to say something?’ So I’m constantly paying attention to who’s struggling to speak, who’s speaking too much.”

What’s more, you don’t have to be the appointed leader to develop this leadership presence. “You never have to be the most senior person in the room to do this,” says Simon. “You can have unofficial authority simply by interrupting and saying, ‘James is trying to say something.””

2. Always Remember: Everything You Say Carries Weight

If you’re in a position of authority, it’s important to remember that “everything you say is magnified and carries weight,” says Simon. “A compliment can make someone’s week. On the other hand, a little offhanded comment can destroy someone. Everything is just exaggerated. And so you’re not changing who you are. You’re still yourself. But you have to remember that absolutely everything that comes out of you is louder, bigger, more sensitive, spotlighted, and more exaggerated. A whisper becomes a shout, and you have to be ultra-sensitive to compliments and criticisms.”

3. Yes, Fashion and Body Language Are Important

In fear of saying something wildly old-fashioned in a world populated by hoodies and Nike Dunk Lows, it’s simply a fact that how you present yourself—both in terms of appearance and body language—impacts your leadership presence. “Even if you’re a male and you don’t care that no one else is wearing a collared shirt in a casual office, it’s helpful to look more presentable,” says Simon. “Take a tip from Ronald Reagan. He always wore a jacket and tie in the Oval Office. It was out of respect for the office, and it largely set the tone.”

Also, remember that human beings don’t just communicate with words. We send powerful messages with our bodies even if we don’t know we’re doing it. “Posture matters,” says Simon. “You can’t sit in a meeting hunched over and expect that people will think that you’re the leader. You should sit up straight. What I notice when I’m slouching or I notice that my physical presence is lazier, I’m communicating the wrong things to the room. Also, sitting up straight reminds me to pay attention to the room, to make sure everybody’s feelings are heard.”

4. Always Protect the Group

Fact: Leaders are leaders because they, well, lead. “As hierarchical animals, we kind of want to know who we can trust and who we can follow, and we’re constantly assessing and judging each other,” says Simon. “When you have all of these leadership presence skills, what you’re communicating to the room is I’m aware and I’m going to protect the team.”

Simon can’t emphasize enough the importance of projecting safety and protection. “This is where people confuse authority and leadership. It doesn’t matter if you’re stronger or louder. What you’re communicating with good leadership presence is that the leader goes first. That’s why we call you a leader. You lead. You go first towards the danger. You speak truth to power.”

5. Embrace Your Inner Idiot

One of the best ways to build leadership presence is to ask the questions that everyone is thinking but no one else is asking. “You’re willing to be stupid,” says Simon. “You say, ‘I don’t understand.’ No one understands, but leaders are the first to say it.”

At the end of the day, this will build the trust and respect that comes with leadership presence. “If you’re willing to go first into danger and discomfort and help ideas move forwards, what that communicates is trustworthiness and protection,” says Simon. “And by the way, it’s not always about leading people. It could be leading the ideas. Saying, ‘Okay, let’s try it!’ Or, ‘We’ve been tackling this idea with one train of thought. Let’s try something else again.’”