Category: Leadership Training

Saying This One Sentence Will Make You a Better Leader

Posted on September 30, 2025October 1, 2025 by Team Simon

Want to hear a scary statistic? According to one survey, a shocking 30% of employees feel invisible at work. That’s an entire third of the workforce that feels like they do not matter. And when people don’t feel seen, they stop giving their best. They protect themselves. Trust erodes.

Zach Mercurio, celebrated speaker and author with a Ph.D. in organizational leadership, has dedicated his career to understanding the power of purpose and belonging in the workplace. He’s a firm believer that the simplest actions can have the greatest impact on how people feel about their work and themselves. In his course, How to Be a Leader People Actually Trust (And Maybe Even Love), he shares a simple phrase every leader should use to remind their employees of their value…

“If it weren’t for you.”

These five words—“If it weren’t for you”—hold the key to recognizing the essential contributions of others. In his course, Zach tells the story of a leader at a large bank. It’s not grand gestures. It’s disciplined, human moments.

She started a weekly practice of reaching out to someone who had helped her get through the week. Each Friday, she sends a message saying, “If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have made it through the week,” and follows up with why that person made a difference. Specific, personal, timely. Not “good job.” More like, “If it weren’t for you staying late to fix the client file, we would’ve missed the deadline.”

Over time, this small gesture has transformed her professional relationships, creating a network of deep trust and mutual appreciation. That’s how a Circle of Safety forms: people feel safe to take risks because they know someone’s got their back.

“Think about the times in your life when someone said to you, ‘If it wasn’t for you, I would have never gotten this job,’ or ‘If it wasn’t for you, I would have never been able to get through this,’” Zach says. These moments do more than express gratitude. They highlight the unique value that someone brings into our lives. It’s about showing people that they are not just another cog in the machine; they are essential. Recognition is not transactional. It’s relational. It says, “You matter here.”

And here’s the kicker: great leaders don’t wait for reviews or awards to say it. They say it often, in front of others. Peer recognition multiplies the effect because the whole group rises to that standard.

Great leaders understand that everyone has a role to play, and they make it a point to ensure that those around them feel needed. Zach encourages saying, “If it weren’t for you, this wouldn’t be possible,” or “If it weren’t for you, today wouldn’t have been as good.” This simple phrase can make the difference between someone feeling invisible and someone feeling seen, valued, and motivated.

The impact of these words goes beyond professional settings. “Say it to your friends, your neighbors, your kids, spouse, partner, and the thousands of people you depend on daily in your community to live your life,” Zach says. Recognizing people’s contributions, no matter how small they may seem, is a universal way to build stronger connections. Skills we practice at work follow us home. When we learn to listen and acknowledge, marriages improve, friendships deepen, and families get stronger.

In a world where 55% of people feel as though their company only sees them as employees and not people, the phrase “If it weren’t for you” can be a reminder that we all matter. It’s a tool that any leader—or any person—can use to create a culture of gratitude and connection. It’s simple, not easy. It requires presence. It requires noticing. And it pays compounding dividends in trust and performance.

Make it practical. This week, send out three notes: “If it weren’t for you…” followed by one concrete behavior and one impact. Do one public shout-out in a meeting. Keep it under 20 seconds and make it specific. Maybe start a Friday ritual: Ask your team, “Who do we want to thank today, and why?”

Because when your people feel valued, they’ll choose to give their best—again and again.

“Something small, said with sincerity, can change how someone shows up tomorrow,” says Simon. “Because leadership isn’t about being in charge; it’s about taking care of those in your charge—and ‘If it weren’t for you’ is what that care sounds like.”

For more on Zach’s course, see here. And if you’re a leader asking, “Where do I start?” You can start with someone who helped you this week.

Tell them. Today.

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The 3 Skills 57% of Middle Managers Are Desperately Missing

Posted on August 25, 2025August 27, 2025 by Team Simon

The story plays out everywhere: brilliant individual contributors get promoted to manage people with nothing more than “figure it out as you go.”

No wonder middle managers are the most miserable people in any organization. That’s not our opinion. It’s theirs.

We surveyed 971 middle managers worldwide for our new report, “The Top 10 Things Middle Managers Desperately Need (But Are Afraid to Ask For).” The findings were heartbreaking: 57% are actively struggling with fundamental leadership capabilities that were never part of their training.

They spend just 41% of their time on actual people management. The rest? Administrative busywork.

But here’s the hope: they’re hungry for growth. They want to be the leaders their teams need. They just need someone to show them how.

Our research identified three critical skill gaps that, once addressed, transform both manager confidence and team performance.

The 3 Skills That Change Everything

1. Human-Centered Communication

The skill 55% struggle with most

This is about more than writing better emails. It’s about the conversations that keep managers awake at 2 AM:

– How do you correct someone without crushing their spirit?

– How do you motivate someone who’s checked out?

– How do you disagree with your boss without career suicide?

Most learn through trial and error, leaving damaged relationships behind. Managers see themselves as “coaches,” yet reality forces them into taskmaster roles, buried in spreadsheets instead of building people.

In practice: Master courageous conversations. Deliver feedback that grows people. Create psychological safety where team members feel heard and valued. (If you’re looking to level up skills like these, feel free to explore The Optimism Library, home to all of Simon’s great leadership frameworks.)

2. Virtual and Hybrid Leadership

The challenge facing 43.4% of managers

Hybrid work changed everything about managing people. Most managers still apply in-person techniques to virtual environments, creating “productivity paranoia”—disconnected leaders who micromanage and erode trust.

“Management by walking around” dies when half your team works from different locations. Managers need new frameworks for building culture, maintaining performance, and fostering relationships across screens and time zones.

In practice: Master “management by checking in”—frequent, shorter, purpose-driven conversations. Read virtual body language. Facilitate engaging online meetings. Create rituals that maintain team connection across distances.

3. Emotional Intelligence and Resilience

The foundation 75% are missing

The most overlooked skill: managing your own emotional state while helping others navigate theirs. Our research shows 75% of middle managers experience burnout—making them the most stressed level in any organization. Nearly half (43.2%) feel fundamentally disconnected from work.

When managers can’t handle their own overwhelm, they can’t support their teams. This cascades downward: Gallup research confirms managers account for 70% of variance in employee engagement.

In practice: Build stress management systems beyond “take a deep breath.” Learn to absorb pressure from above while shielding teams below. Develop emotional stamina for leading people through uncertainty.

The Path Forward

Middle managers aren’t asking for miracles. They want practical training in the human side of leadership. Skills that can be learned, practiced, and mastered with the right support.

Organizations that see this as opportunity, not crisis, will win. When companies invest in developing these capabilities, they see dramatic improvements: better strategy execution, stronger culture, higher retention, improved results.

The question isn’t whether your middle managers need these skills—the research proves they do. The question is whether your organization will provide the support they need.

Because when you have confident, emotionally intelligent, communication-savvy middle managers, everything gets easier. Strategy gets implemented. Culture strengthens. People stay. Results soar.

The potential is already there.

We just need to notice it.

The Leadership Secret Hidden in Plain Sight

Posted on March 19, 2025March 19, 2025 by Team Simon

Imagine this scene: a remote air base in Iraq, the constant hum of aircraft and generators punctuating the dry desert air. A young officer, recently promoted and given her first command, sits alone in her trailer after another grueling day where nothing seems to be working. Six months into a year-long deployment, she’s crying herself to sleep night after night, questioning every decision, regretting her career choice, and feeling like an absolute failure.

This was DeDe Halfhill’s reality during what would become the most defining leadership experience of her career.

DeDe spent 25 years in the Air Force, rising to the rank of colonel in a profession dominated by men. As a public affairs officer, she served as a strategic advisor to some of the military’s most senior leaders, including Chiefs of Staff and the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs during critical moments of the War in Iraq. After retiring from the military, DeDe has become a highly sought-after leadership consultant, helping organizations navigate the same challenges she faced throughout her military career.

This week, DeDe sat down with Simon in the latest episode of A Bit of Optimism (which you can view in full here or click to listen here).

As DeDe shared with Simon, she faced a perfect storm of leadership challenges. She had been:

Promoted early (about four years of experience behind her peers)
Given her first command (while her peers were on their second)
Deployed to Iraq for 365 days
Put in charge of a squadron with operations she had no experience in
Made responsible for “feeding, fitness, and fun” for an entire air base

“Everything I had envisioned about who I would be as a leader did not show up in that experience,” DeDe said.

For six long months, she battled against what felt like inevitable failure. Nothing worked. Her inner critic ran at “max volume,” constantly telling her she was “the absolute worst thing that has ever happened to leadership.”

Then came the breakthrough that would change everything.

The Unexpected Power of Acceptance

One night, after another discouraging day, DeDe had what she calls her “mini breakdown” followed by a moment of clarity.

“If I have failed—and maybe I have, maybe I’m not meant to be a commander—what impact do I really want to have? What do I want these people, who I have been entrusted to care for, to know?”

The answer came to her with surprising simplicity: “I want them to know they matter. I want them to know what they’re doing here is not in vain.”

With this shift in thinking, everything changed. Instead of continuing to fight against her perceived failure, she accepted it and moved her focus entirely to making her people feel valued.

At first, the results were subtle. DeDe felt better, which meant she wasn’t as stressed or “barking as much.” She wasn’t tied to outcomes anymore because she was more concerned about the people. Then something magical began to happen.

“You could see a tangible shift in the way they laughed with one another,” DeDe said. “The way they came to me with opportunities and new ideas. I could see the way my own officers took a breath.”

The stress level of the entire organization dropped noticeably. And almost as a side effect, performance improved. The command that DeDe thought she had failed to turn around began to thrive.

By the end of her deployment, she had built a team that would “willingly follow her anywhere.” What had started as her greatest professional disappointment became her proudest achievement.

When We Make People Feel Like They Matter, Everything Else Follows

Our conventional thinking often gets this backward. We focus on metrics, targets, and performance, hoping that achievement will make people feel valued. But as DeDe discovered in the crucible of combat leadership, the path actually runs in the opposite direction.

This isn’t just a “feel-good” philosophy—it’s practical leadership wisdom born from one of the most challenging leadership environments imaginable.

Bringing This Insight to Your Leadership

Here’s how you can apply DeDe’s transformative insight in your own leadership context:

The Morning Intention:
Start each day by asking: “How will I show my team they matter today?” This simple question reorients your focus before getting caught in the whirlwind of tasks and targets.
Create “Recognition Rituals:”
Develop consistent ways to recognize not just what people achieve, but who they are. DeDe’s team members were constantly “taking the brunt of everyone else’s stress.” Your recognition can be the counterweight to the difficulties they face.
Practice the Pause:
When you feel yourself becoming overly focused on metrics or disappointed by performance, pause and ask: “What would change if I accepted where we are right now and focused solely on making my people feel valued?”
Make Space for Stories:
Create opportunities for team members to share their experiences and challenges. As DeDe learned, when people feel seen and heard, their entire relationship with work deepens.

The Ultimate Leadership Paradox

What makes DeDe’s story so powerful is that it was only when she stopped trying to be an exceptional leader that she became one.

By accepting what she perceived as failure and shifting her focus to making her people feel they mattered, she achieved everything she had originally set out to do—and more.

As Simon reflected after hearing DeDe’s story: “If you take care of them in the good times, they will take care of you in the hard times. That’s how leadership works.”

Ready to show your team they matter, but not sure where to start? Simon and Zach Mercurio developed a course that teaches the essential leadership skills you need to inspire trust, empower others, and become a leader others believe in. Check it out here.

The Three Simple Words That Could Elevate Your Career

Posted on March 18, 2025March 18, 2025 by Team Simon

There’s a scene that plays out in conference rooms across the world every day. A middle manager sits at the table while their boss asks a challenging question. The entire room turns to look. In that moment, despite not having a clear answer, the manager nods confidently and begins crafting a response that sounds plausible but isn’t entirely honest.

Sound familiar? It happens more often than anyone likes to admit.

During a recent leadership session, Simon shared what he calls “the single best thing” he ever learned in his career:

“I don’t have to know all the answers and I don’t have to pretend that I do. The single best thing I ever learned was the confidence to say, ‘I don’t know.'”

This insight can redefine your career, especially for middle managers. Caught between executives who expect expertise and team members who look to them for guidance, middle managers often become masters of appearing knowledgeable, sometimes at the expense of authenticity and growth.

The Weight of “Knowing Everything”

Consider the feeling of that knot in your stomach when asked something you’re not sure about. Perhaps during a strategy meeting or when a direct report asks for your take on a complex situation.

Simon describes how early in his career, he believed leadership meant having all the answers. His perspective changed dramatically thanks to a mentor named Peter, who “never answered a damn question ever.”

Instead, whenever Simon would approach him with a problem, Peter would respond with four simple words: “What do you think?”

Initially frustrating, this approach ultimately taught Simon self-reliance and critical thinking. It wasn’t about Peter avoiding responsibility—it was about him developing Simon’s capabilities.

The Middle Manager’s Paradox

Middle managers exist in a unique space. They’re close enough to the front lines to understand operational realities but expected to translate executive vision into actionable plans. This position can create a debilitating pressure to appear all-knowing.

We’ve seen this countless times in our work with organizations. A newly promoted department manager suddenly faces questions from junior team members about projects they barely understand, while the executive team expects unwavering confidence in progress reports.

The common solution? Pretending to know more than they do. Offering vague responses, redirecting conversations, or—worst of all—providing definitive but incorrect answers rather than admitting uncertainty.

The results are predictable: mistakes compound, trust erodes, and stress levels skyrocket.

The Liberation of “I Don’t Know”

What Simon emphasizes is that saying “I don’t know” isn’t a leadership failure—it’s a leadership opportunity.

He explains how psychological safety starts with leaders modeling vulnerability: “Psychological safety is very simple; it means that I feel safe to say I made a mistake or I don’t know, without any fear of humiliation or retribution.”

Here’s what happens when middle managers embrace “I don’t know:”

They build genuine trust. Teams appreciate honesty more than false certainty.
They create learning opportunities. When leaders don’t know, they can discover alongside their team.
They model the behavior they want to see. If managers can admit when they don’t have answers, team members will feel safe doing the same.
They reduce their stress level. The energy spent maintaining a facade of omniscience is exhausting.

From Theory to Practice

Simon often shares stories from leaders who’ve transformed their approach after embracing this principle.

One middle manager at a technology company was asked during a quarterly planning meeting about the expected ROI on a new initiative their team was leading. The instinct kicked in—make an educated guess, sound confident, move on quickly.

Instead, they took a breath and said: “That’s an important question, and honestly, I don’t have a reliable number for you right now. We’re still gathering data on several variables. I can pull together an analysis by Friday, but I’d rather give you accurate information than a hasty estimate.”

The room didn’t collapse. The CEO didn’t fire them on the spot. Instead, the CEO nodded and said, “I appreciate that. Let’s reconnect on Friday.”

That small moment changed something fundamental in how the manager approached their role. By Friday, the team had developed a thorough analysis that was far better than whatever might have been improvised in the meeting.

Making “I Don’t Know” Productive

Of course, there’s a difference between a thoughtful “I don’t know” and a dismissive one. Simon emphasizes that great leaders don’t just stop at uncertainty—they use it as a starting point.

Here’s how to make “I don’t know” productive:

Acknowledge the gap: “I don’t have that information right now.”
Commit to finding out: “Let me research that and get back to you by [specific time].”
Invite collaboration: “What’s your perspective on this? I’d like to hear your thoughts as I work on this.”
Follow through: When you promise to find an answer, deliver on that promise.

This approach transforms “I don’t know” from a perceived weakness into a demonstration of integrity and commitment to excellence.

The Ripple Effect

One of the most powerful insights Simon shares is how this approach affects the entire team: “If the boss lies, yells, screams, always has all the right answers, guess what you’re going to get from the team? You’re going to get pushiness, people jockeying to be right all the time.”

The opposite is also true. When leaders model the courage to acknowledge uncertainty, their teams follow suit. Decision-making improves because people bring real data rather than what they think leaders want to hear. Innovation flourishes because team members feel safe proposing ideas that might not work. Problems get addressed earlier because no one feels they have to hide challenges.

Middle managers are uniquely positioned to create this culture within their teams, even if it doesn’t exist throughout the organization.

Your Next Opportunity

The next time you’re facing a question you don’t have a clear answer for, remember that you have a choice. You can fall back on the comfortable habit of pretending to know, or you can embrace the opportunity to demonstrate authentic leadership.

Try responding with: “That’s a great question. I don’t have a complete answer right now, but I think it’s important enough to give it proper consideration. Here’s what I do know, and here’s how I propose we find out more…”

Then notice what happens—not just in the conversation, but in how you feel about yourself as a leader.

As Simon says, courage in leadership often comes from having “at least one person in your life professionally or personally to say, ‘I believe in you, you got this, and if everything goes south, I’ll be there with you.'”

The Surprising Skills Your Team Needs Most (They’re Not What You Think)

Posted on February 25, 2025February 25, 2025 by Team Simon

Picture your last team meeting. Was everyone truly listening to each other? Could difficult feedback be shared openly? Did people feel safe enough to be vulnerable?

If you hesitated on any of these questions, you’re not alone. In his recent conversation about high-performing teams, Simon highlighted a surprising truth: technical skills might get you hired, but human skills determine whether teams truly thrive.

“If you create an organization that doesn’t have psychological safety, where it is performance at all costs, no one will reveal any of those things because they fear it makes them firable or damages their promotability,” Simon explains.

The Hidden Skills Gap

Most organizations are laser-focused on technical capabilities—coding, analysis, design, marketing expertise—but often overlook the human skills that actually determine whether those technical skills can be effectively deployed:

Giving and receiving feedback
Having difficult conversations
Setting healthy boundaries
Creating psychological safety
Balancing individual needs with team needs

“Effective leadership involves teaching and developing human skills,” Simon says, “such as listening, giving and receiving feedback, and having difficult conversations.”

The Art of the Difficult Conversation

One of the most valuable skills Simon discusses is how to approach challenging conversations. His approach is refreshingly practical:

“Can I have a difficult conversation with you now? I might say the wrong thing, but bear with me because this conversation is more important than me doing it perfectly.”

This simple framework does three powerful things:

It asks permission
It acknowledges potential imperfection
It emphasizes the importance of the conversation over perfect delivery

The result? A much higher chance of the message being received as intended.

Balancing Agency and Boundaries

Another critical skill Simon highlights is the dance between personal agency and healthy boundaries. He shares a story about a young employee who was burning out because they never said no to colleagues who needed support.

“This person would always say yes to the phone call and would always be there to listen, to the point of burnout,” Simon recalls. The problem wasn’t just individual—it was systemic.

“We can create conditions that make it very hard for somebody to flex their agency, but we can also create conditions where they are allowed to step into it,” he explains.

For leaders, this means:

Teaching team members how to set healthy boundaries
Creating a culture where “no” is respected
Modeling balanced behaviors yourself
Recognizing when someone is overextending themselves

The Paradox at the Heart of Teamwork

Perhaps most importantly, Simon reminds us of the fundamental tension that every team must navigate:

“Every single moment of every single day we are both individuals and a member of a group. We must weigh decisions between putting ourselves first or the group first.”

Great leaders understand this paradox and create environments where both individual growth and team success are possible.

“The team is more important than any individual on the team,” Simon says, “but I have to protect every individual on the team to make the team flourish.”

Making It Work in Your Team

Ready to strengthen the human skills in your organization? Start with these steps:

Explicitly name these skills as valuable in your team
Create opportunities to practice them in low-stakes situations
Establish clear norms for how feedback is given and received
Celebrate when difficult conversations lead to better outcomes
Address violations of psychological safety immediately

Remember: Highly functioning teams aren’t just about achieving goals. As Simon explains, they’re about “the joy of the playing, the relationships built along the way, and the knowledge that their work is of greater value than simply the money they make.”

Because in the infinite game of business and life, the relationships we build and the growth we experience along the way aren’t just nice-to-haves—they’re the whole point.

For more insights on building stronger teams through human skills, explore our collection of leadership lessons in The Optimism Library.

How I Went from “I’m Too Lazy to Write” to Published Author

Posted on February 4, 2025February 4, 2025 by Simon Sinek

When I was in college I had to make a choice, did I want to do a thesis project or not?

I like research, I like learning and I like difficult problems. But I ended up deciding not to do a thesis project for one simple reason: 100 pages sounded like a lot of writing and—this is a little embarrassing—I was too lazy to do that work.

Flash forward a bunch of years and turns out I’m an author now. I’ve written hundreds of pages…more than once!

How did that happen?I was never one of those people who “thought they had a book in them.” Writing books was not my dream or my chosen career. So how did I go from being too lazy to write 100 pages to writing books?

The one thing that changed was Cause. Namely, I found one (or it found me).

A Cause is not a goal. It’s not like an ambition. A Cause is more like a membership club. Not everyone wants to be in the club, but if you find yourself in it, you’re more than happy to do whatever you need to do to serve the other members.

I still can’t say that I enjoy writing books, but every one I have written was worth it because it was not ever about the writing. It was always about contributing to something bigger than myself.

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How to Talk About Your Weaknesses

Posted on November 26, 2024November 26, 2024 by Simon Sinek

It’s hard enough that we have to talk about our strengths to others, but our weaknesses? That’s just the worst.

Even more confounding, we’re only asked to talk about our weaknesses and our strengths in an interview, but after we get the job, we’re rarely ever asked to talk about what makes us so great again. Our weaknesses, however, seem to come up in every time we make a mistake or something goes wrong. So instead of learning to talk about what makes us great, it seems more valuable to learn how to talk about what holds us back if, for no other reason, it can help us move forward.

There are two very common mistakes we make when answering the question, “what’s your biggest weakness?” In an attempt to be clever or even be honest, we can end up doing ourselves more harm than good.

1. Replacing a weakness with a strength

This one is very common. “What’s your biggest weakness?” the interviewer asks. “My biggest weakness is I’m a perfectionist,” we respond thinking we’ve outwitted the interviewer or dodged a bullet. Ironically, by not answering the question, we are making it more difficult for the interviewer, if they hire us, to put us in a position of strength. In other words, in an attempt to sound strong we increase the likelihood of being weak.

2. A little too honest

Some people when asked, “what’s your biggest weakness,” get straight into the thick of it, “I’m really disorganized. It’s really the thing that holds me back sometimes.” Though I appreciate the honesty, the answer lacks context. We may as well look someone in the eye and say, “I’m not the person you’re looking for because you can’t rely on me.”

The best way to talk about our weaknesses is to be honest about them, for sure, but in the context of the balancing strength. Here’s what I mean:

“What’s your biggest weakness?”

“I do my best work in a team. There is nothing I love more than working with others, the back and forth of ideas. I love it. In contrast, you won’t get the best work out of me if I’m always on projects that require me to work alone.”

Here’s another example:

“I’m the one who’s always looking into the future. Where others are working to figure out what we need to do tomorrow, I’m already looking for opportunities on the horizon – six months, a year, sometimes five years ahead. Organizations with a desire to innovate and go far for a long time love that about me. The flip side is I can be a little disorganized with what I need to do today or tomorrow.”

Everything in the world is balanced. For every weakness we have, we have a strength that explains or provides context for that weakness. Both these examples offer honest answers to the question but do so within the context of why that weakness exists. The result? We’re more likely to be seen as trustworthy because we’re willing to offer an honest answer to vulnerable questions and, more importantly, the person listening to us is more likely to put us in a job that highlights our strengths and mitigates our weaknesses…which is good for us and good for them.

Knowing how to talk about our weaknesses, it turns out, can be one of our greatest strengths.

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How to Make Others Feel Like They Matter

Posted on November 19, 2024November 19, 2024 by Team Simon

We recently sat down with author and researcher Zach Mercurio, Ph.D., who is something of a Jedi master on the science of leadership. In addition to teaching at Colorado State University—where he’s an honorary fellow in psychology—he regularly rappels into global organizations to train leaders, boost both morale and productivity, and help people make other people feel like they matter. He’s also an Optimist Instructor here at Simon’s The Optimism Company.

Zach is a brilliant thinker with insights you may find useful in the workplace. In this interview, he explores the link between gratitude and significance, shares strategies for creating supportive work environments, and cites a few ways we can be better leaders and colleagues. We hope you enjoy it. And if you’re curious to learn more about Zach, feel free check out his new course he teaches with Simon, called How to Be a Leader People Actually Trust (and Maybe Even Love).

This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

You talk a lot about the concept of “mattering” at work. What does that really mean?

We experience mattering when we feel valued by those around us and know how we add value to their lives. The need to feel significant to others begins at birth when we reach out our arms to find someone to care for us. From our first moments, our survival depends on mattering to someone. Our quest for significance never goes away. That’s why when our instinct and need to matter is fulfilled, it’s emotional, energizing, and life-giving.

What are some common signs that someone in an organization feels like they don’t matter?

When people feel insignificant, they either withdraw or act out in desperation. Signs of withdrawal are isolating oneself, disengaging, or showing less interest than usual. “Quiet quitting,” for example, is actually the inevitable withdrawal response to someone who feels insignificant at work.

Another consequence of withdrawal is loneliness. Loneliness, research shows, isn’t an outcome of having too few people around you; it’s the consequence of feeling that you don’t matter to the people around you.

People can also act out in desperation when they feel insignificant. In my practice, complaining, blaming, gossiping, or other “so-called” disruptive behaviors are often the result of people feeling insignificant and seeking to be seen or heard.

How do you think workplaces can get better about seeing employees and making them feel valued?

Showing others how they matter seems like common sense. The issue is that common sense is usually not common practice. One survey revealed almost 30 percent of employees feel invisible or ignored. Only 15 percent of people say thank you at work regularly.

If you want people to show others how they matter, make sure they have opportunities to learn, hone, and practice the essential skills of seeing and hearing others, showing meaningful gratitude, and ensuring others feel that they are needed.

Then, take a look at your environment. Does your environment make it possible for people to enact these behaviors? Do you evaluate these behaviors? Do you reward these behaviors? As W. Edwards Deming once said, “Every system is perfectly designed to get the result it does.”

Is your system designed to ensure people feel that they matter?

What’s a simple way we make people feel like they matter?

One simple way to show someone the difference they make in your life is to use the words, “If it wasn’t for you…” and then show them exactly how and why you rely on them. Try it today, and you will see and feel the power of mattering. Trust me.

What advice would you give to someone who struggles with feeling like they matter?

You can’t change how others treat you. But you can learn to see your significance by focusing on the unique difference you make in others’ lives daily. We sometimes miss out on seeing this impact due to what’s known as the “underestimation bias,” which is our tendency to downplay the impact our actions have on others. My advice is to overestimate your effect on others. Your small actions make more of a difference than you think.

What small actions could we focus on?

Look for small moments where you made a difference today. It doesn’t have to be big. Even if you can remind yourself, “I smiled at my barista,” “I made my kids’ lunch,” or “I helped my co-worker complete a project,” these statements are rooted in reality and can show you the evidence of your significance.

Two questions I ask my kids at the end of the day are: “Who did you help today? Who helped you today?” The questions we ask ourselves determine what we pay attention to. Ask yourself questions that direct your attention to your inevitable impact.

It’s important to remind yourself how you’re needed. If you’re here reading this, someone depends on you. It could be a partner, child, family member, co-worker, boss, or client—even a stranger. Someone needs you today.

You mentioned “meaningful gratitude.” Can you explain the connection between gratitude and mattering?

To maintain the belief that we matter, we must see the evidence of our significance around us. When we express gratitude for another person, we remind them that their unique presence matters in our lives. Showing gratitude is a social skill. As psychologist and gratitude expert Robert Emmons describes, gratitude is an “affirmation of the good.”

The hallmark of meaningful gratitude is that it is affirming. When we affirm someone, we strengthen the belief that they’re significant.

And it’s not just saying “thank you.” It’s more.

Right. Meaningful gratitude is specific and tied to one’s impact. Anytime you’re going to say “thank you,” go one step further and show people the difference they make for you and how they make it. Remember to name the unique gifts you see in them and show them how they made a difference in your life or work.

Some research shows that showing gratitude can improve our relationships in a matter of days. How? Experiencing gratitude activates what’s known as our reward system and releases dopamine. Gratitude also changes our neural pathways in areas controlling empathy and interpersonal bonding.

What’s a story of gratitude that has stuck with you?

I once led a workshop with about 200 school staff and teachers, asking them to write down the moment they most felt like they mattered. That’s when I noticed Jeanine in the middle of the auditorium, shaking her head, looking upset. When I asked her if she’d share her thoughts, she said, “I can’t think of a moment. I’ve been here 14 years, but I’m just administrative support. I do the schedules and paperwork processing.”

Suddenly, teachers began raising their hands. One said, “I wouldn’t have a class to teach if you didn’t do your job.” Another added, “You’re so good at what you do—always quick, always thorough.” And yet another said, “Our kids wouldn’t graduate if you didn’t process the transcripts.” One by one, they expressed how much she meant to them.

Afterward, Jeanine came up to me and said, “I guess I do matter.” That moment stayed with me. It showed how meaningful gratitude can affirm someone’s significance. Jeanine saw, in real time, the impact of her work. It was powerful—and a reminder of how rare and necessary that affirmation is for so many.

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Why Being Healthy Isn’t Just About You

Posted on November 19, 2024November 19, 2024 by Team Simon

When most people think about getting healthy, the focus is usually on themselves: living longer, feeling better, or avoiding illness. But what if the real reason to prioritize your health isn’t just for you—it’s for the people you care about?

“Illness starts with I, wellness starts with we,” bestselling author Mark Hyman, M.D., told Simon on this week’s edition of A Bit of Optimism.

Think about it: when you’re run-down, sluggish, or just feeling lousy, it’s hard to be a great parent, friend, or partner. You can’t be fully present. And if you’re dealing with chronic health issues, those closest to you are affected, too.

Simon sums it up: “I choose to eat well, not for me, but so I can be a better friend, a better parent, a better partner.”

“You’re Only As Healthy As Your Five Closest Friends”

Hyman shared research that underscores how interconnected our health really is. Studies show that when one person in a group makes a healthy change—like quitting smoking or eating better—their friends are more likely to follow. “You’re only as healthy as your five closest friends,” he said.

But there’s a flip side, too. Hyman highlights that loneliness is as dangerous as smoking two packs of cigarettes a day. And it’s everywhere—making it harder for people to maintain good mental health.

Here’s the kicker: poor health and isolation feed into each other. If you’re not feeling your best, it’s harder to connect with others. And without those connections, your mental and physical health can suffer. It’s a vicious cycle, but one, Hyman says, we can break by treating wellness as a team sport.

Healthy Habits as Acts of Service

This mindset shift—from taking care of yourself for your sake to doing it as an act of service—can be powerful. When you eat better, exercise, or get enough sleep, you’re not just doing it to avoid diabetes or live longer (although those are nice perks). You’re doing it so you can be the parent who’s patient, the friend who listens, or the partner who’s truly present.

So, the next time you’re thinking about skipping that workout or grabbing junk food, ask yourself: how will this choice impact the people I care about? Because staying healthy isn’t just about living longer—it’s about showing up, fully and wholeheartedly, for the people who matter most.

For the full conversation between Dr. Hyman and Simon Sinek, check out A Bit of Optimism. It’s an inspiring reminder that our health choices echo far beyond ourselves.

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