Category: Employee Development

“Can I give you some feedback?”

If you’ve ever had to utter those words at work, you know that what follows can be a seriously stressful tightrope walk. Your colleague hangs on your every word while their heart rate spikes, and they brace themselves for impact. Meanwhile, you’re talking on eggshells, doing your best to be constructive without crushing morale. But the truth is, giving negative feedback doesn’t have to be so difficult. So, what’s the best way to do it?

Well, the short answer is that you should approach feedback with self-awareness and sensitivity, especially if you are in a leadership position. In fact, a study conducted by the University of Pennsylvania found that it is critically important for leaders to be sensitive when providing feedback to employees, with many participants feeling that the more harsh the feedback, the less of a feeling of psychological safety is fostered. This, of course, backfires: it creates a work environment with less communication, collaboration, and openness. 

If you don’t know where to start in your journey to better communication, entrepreneur and leadership expert Kristen Hadeed is here to help. Kristen is the instructor of “Delivering and Accepting Feedback Effectively,” a class you’ll find in the “Leadership” section of The Optimism Library. For her part, Kristen swears by the FBI method, a classic technique she frequently employs within her company to cultivate an environment where constructive feedback can thrive. Here she explains how to do it. 

Understanding the FBI Method

The “FBI” method stands for “Feelings, Behavior, and Impact.” One of the strengths of the FBI method is its versatility. “You can use it for both types of feedback. You can use it for growth feedback, which is what I call critical feedback, right? It’s the way to inspire someone to change their behavior. Or you can use it for recognition, which we also identified is a really important form of feedback,” says Hadeed.

According to Hadeed, this approach is tailored to articulate feedback in a manner that is both insightful and empathetic. “The F is the feeling. How does this person’s behavior make you feel?” Hadeed explains. This initiates the feedback by personally connecting with the emotional effect of the behavior.

As mentioned, the “B” in FBI stands for behavior. “What is the specific Behavior that led to the feeling?” 

Hadeed explains: “When we address the actual behavior, it allows the feedback receiver to understand exactly what action is being discussed. It sounds obvious, but sometimes in our nerves to deliver feedback we cut out details that can be crucial to the point of the conversation. When that happens, the actual sentiment of what needs to be worked on can get muddy.”

“Impact” refers to the consequences or effects that the behavior has had on the team, project, or individual goals. “What was the greater impact of that person’s behavior?” says Hadeed.

So, as an example, let’s use this feedback: 

 “You interrupted me in that meeting and completely blindsided the conversation.” 

In all honesty… Yikes! The language is abrasive and accusatory, and creates an immediate tension with the person you are giving that feedback to. Odds are, they will naturally feel the need to get defensive, and the conversation can turn unproductive very quickly. 

If we recontextualize this feedback through the lens of the FBI method it might sound like this:

“I was really disappointed when you interrupted my pitch in that meeting to bring up your own immediate opinion, because I was unable to explain an idea that I was really passionate about and the idea got shut down because of the way the conversation was derailed.”

The feedback is now based on your personal experience. Your feelings cannot be invalidated or contested, because they’re your feelings. You mention the exact behavior that caused a problem, and the impact of what that behavior was for both your ability to move your work forward as well as your personal morale. Approaching feedback in this way sets a more disarming, cooperative tone from the get-go and is much more likely to usher in a more positive result.

Kristen also emphasizes that it’s also important how feedback is introduced. “I believe you have like 5 to 10 seconds to land the plane in order to have a productive conversation,” she says. 

The Benefits of Effective Feedback

Being able to give constructive feedback is vital to a healthy work culture. Research shows that appropriate feedback can enhance employee engagement, with statistics from Gallup revealing that employees who receive regular feedback are 3.5 times more likely to be engaged at work. Furthermore, a study by Zenger and Folkman suggests that 92% of employees agree that when delivered appropriately, constructive feedback can effectively improve performance.

Effective feedback not only clarifies expectations but also motivates individuals, fosters professional growth, and strengthens relationships within teams by promoting transparency and trust.

Implementing the FBI method can significantly improve the quality of feedback within an organization. It encourages a respectful and empathetic communication style, ensuring that feedback leads to positive outcomes rather than conflict. As businesses and leaders continue to seek ways to foster growth and improvement, mastering such techniques becomes invaluable.

If you thought that Kristen’s lesson on the FBI was useful, try it out next time you’re in a tough spot and need to give some tricky feedback.

For more, check out The Optimism Library.

Too often, we forget that some stress in life is a good thing. When you feel the heightened arousal of stress, numerous scientific studies will tell you that it actually does wonderful things: It helps you focus, enhances your memory, gives your body an energy boost, and can even bolster your immune system. (If you’ve ever been stressed about giving a presentation, you can credit some of that stress for helping push you through what you need to do to prepare and get those first words out.)

However, in today’s fast-paced world, it’s simply a fact that far too many of us suffer from excessive or chronic stress. Left uncontrolled and unmanaged, stress reveals its ugly side: you’ll be less likely to control your emotions, it impacts your heart health, it leads to premature aging, and actually weakens your immune system, among other side effects. One of the most common causes of excessive stress? No surprise here: Work.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by too many Slack messages, an overbearing boss, crazy deadlines, or a combination of them all, Samantha Clarke, author and happiness expert, has some really good advice for you. In her class “Reduce Stress and Anxiety,” which you can find in our Optimism Library, Samantha offers three simple yet effective strategies to de-escalate stress, especially in the workplace. To explore her entire class, feel free to go here, but we’ve taken the liberty of providing just a few of her tips below.

Declutter Your Workspace

Let’s start with your immediate environment—your desk or workspace. Believe it or not, the state of your workspace can significantly impact your stress levels. As Samantha explains, “stress can be triggered even more when we find ourselves working in chaotic environments. Where there’s a lot of clutter and disorganization, our mindset often reflects it.”

A cluttered desk is not just an eyesore; it’s a visual representation of chaos that can hinder your ability to focus and process information efficiently, and science agrees. A study recently showcased in a Harvard Business Review article found that physical clutter in your surroundings competes for your attention, resulting in decreased performance and increased stress.

So, what’s the solution? Take a few minutes each day to tidy up your workspace. File away those papers, organize your supplies, and create a clean, serene environment that encourages focus and calm. The act of decluttering itself can be therapeutic, offering a sense of control and accomplishment amidst the chaos of work.

Practicing Meditation or Tai Chi

If you’re looking for a more introspective approach to stress management, meditation and tai chi are your go-to practices. Both are ancient traditions known for their calming and restorative benefits. 

“The practice of meditation or the slow, meditative movement of tai chi are really good starting places for us to think about how we practice being present with ourselves,” explains Samantha. “I’m not saying that you need to move into like a pretzel and do it for hours on end. But just a starting point of even just 5 minutes is great. Take that time to ask yourself ‘how do I come back home to myself and my mind? How do I lean back and take a moment to keep my mind in a place of stillness?’ Just take a moment to close your eyes and just be still when the stress reaction is there or the feeling of deep uncertainty comes up.” 

Ultimately, meditative actions help you develop mindfulness, allowing you to observe your thoughts and feelings without judgment. This practice can decrease the body’s response to stress, reducing symptoms of anxiety and depression and make it easier to regulate yourself next time that stress starts to rear its unpleasant head.

Yes, Think Happy Thoughts

We know, it sounds like a terrible cliché, but sometimes the simplest methods are the most powerful. When stress levels start to rise, take a moment to close your eyes and think of a positive memory or the silver linings of your current challenge.

“In moments of stress and difficulty, take a moment and think, ‘what about this challenge could pose something positive?’ Or you can recall some happy memory at the moment of stress to reset your mind. Think about a happy memory or positive thought about the challenge that you’re in and hold that thought for at least 30 seconds. It starts to create more neural pathway recognition to override the negativity.”

This technique is not just about distraction; it’s about reminding ourselves of the joy and positivity that exist in our lives, even when they seem overshadowed by stress. It’s a tool that can be used anywhere, anytime, requiring nothing but a moment of your time and the power of your memory. 

A word to the wise, though. As Samantha explains, “when it comes to this particular method, practice actually does make perfect. We need to do this consistently and again through meditation over time when we get stressed. Through repeatedly taking that time to pause, we can start to rewire what’s really happening for us.”

Stress, especially in the workplace, can feel like an inevitable part of life. Whether it’s through decluttering your workspace, incorporating meditation or tai chi into your routine, or simply recalling a joyous moment from your past, each method offers a pathway to greater calm and reduced anxiety.

For more classes like “Reduce Stress and Anxiety”, check out The Optimism Library. Breathe out, dive in, and discover more ways to bring balance into your life.

Imagine a professional golfer standing over an eight-foot putt to win a big tournament. “Don’t choke,” she tells herself under her breath. “And do not pull the ball left of the hole.” 

Now, you probably don’t need to be a mental coach with an advanced degree in sports psychology to predict what happens next: Her putt sails wide left of the hole. 

The golfer has committed one of the most common psychological mistakes known to affect their performance: Negative framing. This phenomenon isn’t limited to professional athletes, of course; it affects all of us, whether we’re focusing on the negatives at work or in life. 

By fixating on what could go wrong, we inadvertently increase the likelihood of those negative outcomes becoming a reality. Negative framing can hinder our confidence, impair our decision-making, and ultimately sabotage our success. 

As Simon explains, “negative framing, such as ‘don’t forget your lines’ before a presentation, or even ‘don’t eat on the couch’ if you’re trying to kick that habit, tends to focus our attention on the very thing we wish to avoid. It’s this sort of thinking that holds us back, dashes our productivity, and makes it much harder to achieve our intended goal.”

So how do we reframe our mindset to be more goal-oriented and productive? The answer is surprisingly simple: focus on the positive and adjust your mindset with positive framing. 

How to Apply Positive Framing to Your Daily Life

In contrast to negative framing, positive framing directs our focus towards the desired outcome, increasing the likelihood of achieving it. So, let’s revisit Simon’s examples. Instead of saying, “Don’t forget your lines,” tell yourself to remember them. Instead of scolding yourself, “don’t eat on the couch,” say, “eat at the table.”

You can try this in almost any situation and it applies to groups, as well. For instance, if you’re a teacher who says, “Do not talk over Jane,” the class is unlikely to quiet down. However, if you say, “I want to hear what Jane is saying,” the students are more likely to lower their voices. 

Similarly, pilots are trained to focus on where they want to go rather than the obstacles they wish to avoid. Skiers navigating through trees concentrate on the path, not the trees themselves. This shift in focus from obstacles to pathways is a powerful metaphor. As Simon says, “If you focus on the obstacles, all you will see is obstacles. If you focus on the path through the trees, all you will see is the path through the trees.”

By consciously choosing how we frame our thoughts and instructions, we can significantly impact our ability to navigate challenges and pursue our goals. Whether we’re engaging in conversations with friends, guiding our children, or setting personal goals, shifting our focus from the “don’ts” to the “do’s” can make a significant difference. It’s about keeping our gaze on where we want to go, rather than fixating on the things we’re trying to avoid. 

So, as you take your next steps, remember that spotting the path through the trees could be your ticket to hitting your stride and unlocking your true potential.

For more advice from us, consider exploring The Optimism Library, which contains the best recordings of our online classes covering personal and professional growth.